Almost two thirds of American women are using some sort of contraceptive method. And 99% of sexually active women used at least one type of contraception between 2006-2010 (Ravitz, 2018). Our society avoids pregnancy like it’s the plague. Our culture promotes sexual freedom but shies away from addressing the natural and common consequence: pregnancy. Approximately 9% of women using birth control experience an unplanned pregnancy each year. That means about 960,000 women unintentionally get pregnant each year while using birth control (Fox News, 2015). Popular rhetoric dictates that an unplanned pregnancy is a tragic event. Since when did fertility become such a curse? Women will do anything in their power to avoid getting pregnant, from putting type one carcinogens in their bodies to getting surgeries to render themselves sterile. This is not a judgment on women. This is a critique on the way our society and the media portray fertility and pregnancy. The current discourses surrounding the issues of sexual promiscuity, birth control, and fertility have done a great disservice to women. So, I propose that we embrace a new way of thinking and talking about these issues.
Historically and biologically speaking, the purpose of sex is to create new life. Our culture has so perverted the act of sex that we forget that it’s not just about pleasure. Separating sex from its natural consequence perpetuates a culture of use. We have cheapened sex by talking about it so nonchalantly, by engaging in it as a pastime. What if it’s more than that? Don’t you want it to be?
More than the tragic separation of procreation and sex, women bear the brunt of the risk involved with casual sex. Women experience more sexual regret than men do – and its’ not just the religious women (Bendixen, Asao, Wyckoff, Buss, & Kennair, 2017). As women, we are the ones who can get pregnant.
Having multiple sexual partners before marriage decreases marital satisfaction. Women who wait to have sex until they get married are less likely to get a divorce (Wolfinger, 2018). W. Bradford Wilcox, a sociologist at the Institute for Family Studies says, “Contrary to conventional wisdom, when it comes to sex, less experience is better, at least for the marriage.”
Casual sex just doesn’t seem to pay off – especially for women. Once we begin to remember what sex is about, that it isn’t meant to be solely for pleasure, we can embrace our fertility as a blessing instead of a heavy burden.
Fertility as a gift.
The ability to conceive and carry a child is pretty remarkable. So many couples ache to have a child, but struggle with infertility. 1 in 8 couples struggle to get pregnant or stay pregnant (Resolve, 2020). Estimates say there are about 2 million couples currently waiting to adopt in the United States. So, at any given time there are about 36 couples waiting for every one child placed for adoption (American Adoptions,2020).
What now?
You can work with your body instead of against it. Take control of your fertility. There are valid reasons to want to avoid a pregnancy, but you should’t endanger your health trying to do so. Instead of trying to stop your body’s natural processes, work with them to know when you’re fertile and when you’re not. Yep, that’s right, I’m talking about Natural Family Planning. And no, it’s not just for hippies or Catholics anymore. It’s also not as complicated as people may have you believe. One method, called FEMM, offers a FREE, downloadable app. There are FEMM teachers and doctors around the country who are more than happy to help you learn how to track your body’s fertility signs. Here at Woodbury Options for Women, we have a certified FEMM instructor who will provide you classes at no-cost.
Additionally, wait for a man who is willing to, hopefully even wants to, take on the “risks’ of having sex. A worthy man will be excited to father your children. Pregnancy is a normal and natural consequence of having sex when you are fertile. Learn more about tracking your fertility here or request an appointment for a free consultation today.
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